Post by umjammersammy on Feb 17, 2013 16:04:03 GMT -5
So yeah I saw that fuckin' movie The Avengers and you know what, it wasn't all that bad, you know? but in classic Sam-style, I still noticed a couple things that straight up pissed me off. I mean yeah they were on that stupid-ass airplane thing for way too long, and yeah some of the characters ended up being pretty useless, but aside from that dumb bullshit, I only got a couple main gripes.
Enter THE AVENGERS. It's a movie about a bunch of magic mother fuckers who wear tights and team up to fight aliens and... eachother!?? Look, you know what this shit's about. You've probably seen at least one of the 5 or so movies that were building up to this one. Let's get to the bullshit.
My main complaint: Were was fucking Don Cheadle/War Machine that he was too busy to help out? I think at the end of Iron Man 2, Cheadle took the War Machine armor and fled, but was he so busy jerking it off that he couldn't help his friend Iron Man save the fucking world? Also where the fuck was Spiderman? I'm sure that's something that everybody was wondering. Where's the Xmen? They didn't notice all this shit happening? Ain't Professor X supposed to have that big-ass dome where he can see all over the world and inside all them Macy's changing rooms and shit? And he cant see all this apocalypse shit goin down in NYC? I heard that liscencing is what kept a lot of the other Marvel characters from making apearences in this flick, but I also heard that War Machine actually appeared in every single shot in the entire film but Don Cheadle's intense blackness was too hard to light so he didn't actually show up. Next time, baby.
Another complaint I had was how useless some of the 'super heroes' ended up being. It's really no mystery why dumb characters like Hawkeye and Black Widow didn't get their own movies. They're dumb, boring, uninteresting characters, that basically kill the excitement of the movie dead whenever they show up on screen. Black Widow was pretty easy on the eyes though, I have no problem admitting that.
At the end of the day, The Avengers was just another action movie with a huge, huge ensemble cast. To be honest, it kind of reminded me of that shitty movie The Expendables. It was like they thought to themselves: "Ok, we don't have a compelling story or script or anything, so lets just throw a bunch of recognizable cartoon characters on screen and then count the billions of dollars we make off of this retarded planet of uninformed movie-goers." Maybe I'm just cynical but, you know what, fuck you!
Enter THE AVENGERS. It's a movie about a bunch of magic mother fuckers who wear tights and team up to fight aliens and... eachother!?? Look, you know what this shit's about. You've probably seen at least one of the 5 or so movies that were building up to this one. Let's get to the bullshit.
My main complaint: Were was fucking Don Cheadle/War Machine that he was too busy to help out? I think at the end of Iron Man 2, Cheadle took the War Machine armor and fled, but was he so busy jerking it off that he couldn't help his friend Iron Man save the fucking world? Also where the fuck was Spiderman? I'm sure that's something that everybody was wondering. Where's the Xmen? They didn't notice all this shit happening? Ain't Professor X supposed to have that big-ass dome where he can see all over the world and inside all them Macy's changing rooms and shit? And he cant see all this apocalypse shit goin down in NYC? I heard that liscencing is what kept a lot of the other Marvel characters from making apearences in this flick, but I also heard that War Machine actually appeared in every single shot in the entire film but Don Cheadle's intense blackness was too hard to light so he didn't actually show up. Next time, baby.
Another complaint I had was how useless some of the 'super heroes' ended up being. It's really no mystery why dumb characters like Hawkeye and Black Widow didn't get their own movies. They're dumb, boring, uninteresting characters, that basically kill the excitement of the movie dead whenever they show up on screen. Black Widow was pretty easy on the eyes though, I have no problem admitting that.
At the end of the day, The Avengers was just another action movie with a huge, huge ensemble cast. To be honest, it kind of reminded me of that shitty movie The Expendables. It was like they thought to themselves: "Ok, we don't have a compelling story or script or anything, so lets just throw a bunch of recognizable cartoon characters on screen and then count the billions of dollars we make off of this retarded planet of uninformed movie-goers." Maybe I'm just cynical but, you know what, fuck you!
Thanx for reading...