Post by umjammersammy on Feb 17, 2013 16:10:02 GMT -5
So yeah, Spider-man is a cool super hero. I mean, who doesn't love
Spider-man? I'll tell you who, the fuck-faces that made this travesty
of a movie. The Amazing Spiderman was an offensive pile of cat
shit that doesn't deserve to be seen by human eyes. If you already saw
this piece of fuck before you had the chance to be warned by this
review, I feel sorry for you.
Enter the Amazing Spider-shit, the follow-up to 2007's Spider-man 3,
right? No, it isn't… Instead of doing the logical thing and just
making another sequel to the already wildly popular Spider-man movie
series, the studio decided to reboot the whole fucking franchise like
a bunch of idiots. I'm aware that the reception to Sam Raimi's
Spider-man 3 was sour, but that movie was practically the fucking
Godfather compared to this latest disaster. I mean what the fuck
happened…
There is literally zero reason to see this movie. And there's even
less of a reason if you've already seen the Spider-man flick from
2002, and that's because they're basically the exact same movies. The
only real difference is that the 2002 version was actually a cohesive
movie with a consistent tone that made it enjoyable to watch and also
easy to relate to. Wouldn't it be great if they could recapture that
lighting in a bottle, once by Coupon Companion Plugin" href="http://www.1up.com/do/blogEntry?bId=9114468#" rel=nofollow target=_blank>again? Well keep dreaming, cos this new
version is like some one's cruel joke on every movie-goer and Spidey
fan on the planet. There were actually a few other differences between
the movies, by Coupon Companion Plugin" href="http://www.1up.com/do/blogEntry?bId=9114468#" rel=nofollow target=_blank>now that I think about it. For one thing, the movies had
different villains. 2002's used the iconic Green Goblin, while the
2012 version instead employed The Lizard. The fucking Lizard.
They tried to go with a more realistic approach for this reboot. The
key word being, tried. While 2002's was fantastical and filled with a
certain amount of movie-magic, this version tried to go the more
realistic route of Chris Nolan's Batman series, only to fail
completely. I mean there's nothing more realistic than a 10 foot
lizard fucking up Manhattan, right? Another component that was
completely lacking in this version was Peter Parker's social life
outside of his duty as Spider-man. In the older flick he had to
balance his friendship with Harry Osborne, with his relationship with
, with his job as a photographer for the Daily Bugle. Those were
three elements that really propelled the flick forward, and gave us a
sense of who the character was. The new movie, Amazing Spiderman,
completely ignores every single one of these aspects. There's no
Harry, no , and no Daily Bugle. Instead, we get treated to that
pasty, grinch-looking, bitch Emma Stone as Gwen Stacy, and a cripple for a villain.
There's an infinite amount of shit to talk about this awful awful
movie, but it's like beating a dead horse, or a dead spider I guess. I
wish I had some thing positive to say about this movie, since I really
like Spidey, but it was so god damn terrible that I'm ashamed to even
be writing about it.
Thanks for reading aight
Thanks for reading aight